Money and life!!!

So today I went and saw the nutritionist. In theory this is a good idea. In practice this is not going to work for me. She does not take my health care spending card and requires cash up front. If I wasn't already currently fucked with my financial situation this would be OK. However there is a reason I started contributing to my health care spending. One its before taxes and two It is so I would have the money for the doctor appts ettc...etc. This is a huge trigger for me and gets tied into my eating disorder. Instead of trying to work through it and find a solution. I found Schmidts Bakery and ate probably my daily allowance of calories. Not that Im supposed to be counting calories. This is what in the past has sabotaged me. I can logically know that guilt is not a good thing to have in the process. I guess I wonder how I am going to get over it gain some progress.Dieting does not work for me or anyone else. I know that in a month I cant  have it all figured out.I wonder When does everything get easier. My finances are fucked, my health is not the best. With the obesity and the problems that come with that. I am having a difficult time. Im not sure I can handle dealing with life. I often wonder if I go back to where I was before. Not focus on me. When do I get over this anger, this frustration and gain some peace. Right now I just feel like it is all messed up.