Dating.....

Oh my god such a scary thing for me. I havent in my life ever truly dated. Its been I am either out or in a relationship. Dysfunctional , more often than not caustic. Well with the new Chris comes an new game plan. I will tell you that with this therapy I am learning and recognizing more and more about myself. The fact that in the past Ive objectified and used men. Yeah I know?Hows that for a turn around. I, in my head have ALWAYS thought that men are scary and dangerous. Yet another remnant of a shitty childhood.

Like I stated before though I am starting a new chapter. Well have been for awhile. I did indeed have my first dating experience that Ive had in years. I actually dated. Wow. There were some great things that happened. For the first time I let a man be a man. To treat me like my sister always says a princess( thanks Jamie Sue) . I learned a few things from just dating and not feeling obligated to have sex. First I am gaining a lot of self respect. I am learning to say what is bothering me.To not tolerate being disrespected. I'm not willing to keep that stuff inside anymore. If something happens that I'm not OK with I will ask to be taken home. The date will not continue.This is a learning experience for me. Also I am done being an enabler. Pretending that certain behaviors are OK. THEY ARE NOT. Also I am going to believe the book that was written hes just not that into you. I am cutting ties with all of those type of men. They did serve their purpose( when I was using men) Now I am not going to do that. This is a scary as hell discovery for me. However I am not going to give up. Its nice to hold hands, to snuggle. To talk and get to know each other. I really like it.