Being alone with yourself and your thoughts

Yesterday seriously sucked. I was in the foulest of moods. Everyone and everything was bugging me. NO explanation why. They just were. I, as you all are aware went to see the nutritionist. In my head I thought this was going to be a good thing. Instead it was question after question about shit I didnt want to discuss. When I started dieting. At age 7....put on a slimfast diet. I still ate far to much because I was a sad child and hell my mother didnt know a damn thing about how to make the diet a sucess.. For numerous reasons it of course did not work. . That diet followed by my teenage years of laxatives and binging and purging. Another fail.Followed by my young adulthood. I thought going vegetarian and working out five times a day was the answer. I did see results but still was not acknowledging my eating disorder . I guess now I think, How healthy was it to work out so much and eat so little??? It stayed off for about a year but came back rapidly as soon as I stopped working out and the stress re-entered my life. Due to living situations being changed and moving in with My grandmother. Oh that was a joy( I hope you hear the sarcasm) at every chance the woman got she was trying to break me down and control me. Working out became more of a hassle and so the weight came back on. Not all of it but a good chunk.....Then came the protein diets. Recommended by Docs for helping me lose weight. It worked but I have never felt more tired, irritable and so on and so forth. This one has stayed with me for the last four years. My doctor felt more like a reprimanding mother figure than a caring doc..... Then out of desperation I gave up to the one thing that I know in my heart isnt the answer, but desperation called. The bariatric surgery. Ive seen this work for a few people.
Which leads me to here and now. Its been a struggle. I am not sure how I feel about getting real. To start discovering and coming to grips to the real problems... Somedays this really pisses me off. Yesterday being one of those days. I have to remember to be one. I think just seeing the nutritionist cemented so many things for me. A big oh wow!! So that is really why I was pissed. Not because of her. It was because of me. Some of the questions she asked struck so many cords in me. Not in a good way either....last night was not any better but I did talk to my cousin, who is more like a sister and she made some very good points. I forgot some of the great times I had as a child. It wasnt all horrible. She most definately got me out of my funk. I went to bed in a much better mood and today wasnt to shabby.
I will probably be posting on here daily. For now goodnight Lovelies....
Mwah