Been an interesting week or two. As you are all aware Ive been going to personal and group therapy for about a year and half. I really like my therapist. She has been a huge advocate for me. That is until she purposely pushed my buttons last week. It was due to the pain in the ass coworker that had made it her life's mission to make my life hell. Two weeks ago I was done. I had followed the proper channels to get the issue fixed. I talked to managers, who then would talk to her(falling upon deaf ears) nothing was getting resolved. After nine months of putting up with her shitty attitude. I finally lost it. My managers couldn't fix it, My Hr consultant was too busy dealing with other drama. So I took matters into my own hands. I contacted my district manager. I was getting transferred or that bitch was. One way or another. I told him a bit of the story. I was calm( which in moments like this are rare) Just stating the facts. Well with in a day and a half she was moved. I felt pretty good about finally standing up for myself.
Well Stephanie said some things to me that struck a cord and truly offended me. Now usually when this occurs I disappear. I push the person away. Remove myself from a situation. This time however after taking a week off, processing through it, I made a conscious decision to face what had happened. To not runaway or shut her out. I went back. Was quiet for most of group and then she asked Chris do you want to add anything ?? Whats going on with you?? So, I started to cry and then told her that she had offended me. I wasn't mean, I wasn't aggressive. I just said my truth. Which Has started the healing/ fix what I can phase.
I ended up having a face book conversation with someone about what had occurred when dating. I had a moment of truth and weakness. I let this person know that I missed him and wanted to get back together. Now I knew the answer before I sent the email. I mean I had said some pretty horrific things. However, even knowing, I needed resolution and closure. Some of the things that were said to me are so very true. I do have trust issues. I usually don't trust anyone with anything. It is hard to change years of a habit that Ive had since I was a child. Growing up in a home where My mother was more concerned about herself, than her children. I learned to trust no one. Not my mother, Not her scary ass boyfriends(trust me there were many), My family, My grandmother, My aunts.NO ONE.
They Were all sick mentally . Ive learned being in therapy that a lot of these issues , had the trickle down effect and had been going on for generations. My family was sick.Not to aire too much dirty laundry.
As a child though you wonder what can I do to make them love me, to notice me, to care for me. I was hopeless, Lonely, scared child. One more than one occasion I attempted, obviously without success to end it all. So I didn't have to experience all of the dysfunction. I saw far to much. I remember times of getting the shit beat out of me for doing what was right. For telling the truth. There was always a consequence. Even when I was taking on the role of parent. changing my sisters shitty diapers, feeding them( mom was too busy fucking some random dude to even care) loving them, caring for them. Letting them know of their worth, Helping with school assignments. Forging signatures so that they would have permission to do things.. I was given a choice or a decision. I was aka Mom.
I was informed by this person that I never trusted him. If only that was the truth. I put more trust in him than I have anyone else. Ever. In my whole life. In two months I had put down more walls than I ever had. I don't even know how to explain. I wanted him to know the dorky, quirky girl. The eccentric and insecure girl. The girl who smiled and wasn't afraid to cry. It was baby steps for me. I really did try.
Then there was the things that I said on face book, I shouldn't have. It was childish, However I was hurt. If there was re do I may have done things differently. I didn't think of how it would effect him. I actually wasn't thinking at all.
The main take away from this face booking is this. Communication is key. You've gotta talk about things that may be uncomfortable. Not in a defensive manner, but a sincere place and approach. This person has taught me more than He may ever know. At the end of this I believe that the lessons learned from this experience will be able to help both of us to make different decisions and choices with the next person that we date.
Well Stephanie said some things to me that struck a cord and truly offended me. Now usually when this occurs I disappear. I push the person away. Remove myself from a situation. This time however after taking a week off, processing through it, I made a conscious decision to face what had happened. To not runaway or shut her out. I went back. Was quiet for most of group and then she asked Chris do you want to add anything ?? Whats going on with you?? So, I started to cry and then told her that she had offended me. I wasn't mean, I wasn't aggressive. I just said my truth. Which Has started the healing/ fix what I can phase.
I ended up having a face book conversation with someone about what had occurred when dating. I had a moment of truth and weakness. I let this person know that I missed him and wanted to get back together. Now I knew the answer before I sent the email. I mean I had said some pretty horrific things. However, even knowing, I needed resolution and closure. Some of the things that were said to me are so very true. I do have trust issues. I usually don't trust anyone with anything. It is hard to change years of a habit that Ive had since I was a child. Growing up in a home where My mother was more concerned about herself, than her children. I learned to trust no one. Not my mother, Not her scary ass boyfriends(trust me there were many), My family, My grandmother, My aunts.NO ONE.
They Were all sick mentally . Ive learned being in therapy that a lot of these issues , had the trickle down effect and had been going on for generations. My family was sick.Not to aire too much dirty laundry.
As a child though you wonder what can I do to make them love me, to notice me, to care for me. I was hopeless, Lonely, scared child. One more than one occasion I attempted, obviously without success to end it all. So I didn't have to experience all of the dysfunction. I saw far to much. I remember times of getting the shit beat out of me for doing what was right. For telling the truth. There was always a consequence. Even when I was taking on the role of parent. changing my sisters shitty diapers, feeding them( mom was too busy fucking some random dude to even care) loving them, caring for them. Letting them know of their worth, Helping with school assignments. Forging signatures so that they would have permission to do things.. I was given a choice or a decision. I was aka Mom.
I was informed by this person that I never trusted him. If only that was the truth. I put more trust in him than I have anyone else. Ever. In my whole life. In two months I had put down more walls than I ever had. I don't even know how to explain. I wanted him to know the dorky, quirky girl. The eccentric and insecure girl. The girl who smiled and wasn't afraid to cry. It was baby steps for me. I really did try.
Then there was the things that I said on face book, I shouldn't have. It was childish, However I was hurt. If there was re do I may have done things differently. I didn't think of how it would effect him. I actually wasn't thinking at all.
The main take away from this face booking is this. Communication is key. You've gotta talk about things that may be uncomfortable. Not in a defensive manner, but a sincere place and approach. This person has taught me more than He may ever know. At the end of this I believe that the lessons learned from this experience will be able to help both of us to make different decisions and choices with the next person that we date.
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