The last few months have been insane. With work changes, Home changes and life changes...Whoa time sure flies. I am still on my journey of becoming healthy and whole. I have had a few things happen over the last few monthes that have changed alot of my view points about health and well being.
My Dad got very sick and ended up in the hospital a few months ago. I love the man to death, but it seems like most in my family he waits to get medical help until it is sooo bad that he lands himself in the hospital. Part of this can be attibuted to his lack of caring for himself. Ie he has Type 1 diabetes but hasnt been taking proper meds. Due to choices made He has not been financially able to do so. Thank god for him going to the hospital. He is now on what seems a much better path. Yeah!!
On mental health as most of you are aware I have become ok with being honest about my relationship with food. It is and will always be my comfort. My security blanket. However Now I know that this is alright and I get to choose wether or not I have a healthy relationship with it and me. This has been a struggle. I am finding as I become more self aware that food is there for my nourishment. Not there to fill in alot of swiss cheese holes that ive had in my mind and life. Im finding that im not always going to be in a great mood. Life will happen, but I get to choose how I respond to it and myself.
The next lesson is accountability for myself and others. Someone that ive called friend for well over 20 yrs recently had his partner die from lack of caring for himself. This honestly freaked me out. I have been to a few funerals, but Ive never seen death. I saw this man laying in a bed of his own vomit. All I could thing is oh hell This is so sad.As my aquaintance( a different story for perhaps another segment of this) started cleaning out his partners cupboards I recognized alot of the drugs he was taking.Not because I am a junky, but because I have some of those drugs in my own cupboard. At that point something in me clicked. I am fucking done. I am done with not caring for myself. I am going to control what I can control. I cant control my Ms, but I can control all of the other health issues. Seeing this person made me also think, wow He is only 45 ten years older than myself. If I dont start making changes this could be me. I have so much life left. So many things I want to accomplish and do.
The Gym has become my therapy. When I am Happy,When Im pissed, When im sad, When Im lonely. . I know that I want a great quality of life and that begins with me. I get to choose. Not someone else how my story will go. I am feeling so much better. The other is I am journaling my food. What ive eaten throughout the day. I am seeing some patterns. I am however not beating myself up. If I have a bad day, its exactly that. Not something that means defeat. Adopting this attitude has helped tremendously.
I did recently have a bit of a relapse with my ms and this did put me on a downward spiral, but in times like this you get to really evaluate your quality of life. What is important to you. I didnt realize that I was going too fast and for what? To be miserable?? I most definately am going to be making some changes in my life all together. I cant go into too much detail on that right now, but changes are happening.
The last is the importance of letting go of those that are no good for you. I have codependency issues. Or have had them. I found this out with said friend from above. I, enabled him and his using ways. I agreed to let him stay with me. Which ended up very trying. I set boundaries with him and he didnt think I was serious about those boundaries and time lines. I am in recovery and I cannot let anyone stop my progress. So because this person chose to act and behave in innapropriate ways. I kicked him out. I am done with users and abusers. I let this happen and it will not happen ever again. Thats not to say I wont be a great friend and help someone out. Right now its I am only willing to help those that want to help themselves.
This is where I am at....Loving every minute of finding out about me....
thanks for reading. Hopefully I wont wait another six months to post something.
Chris
